When last we left, Cube Warrior had been led from the free range of a spacious office to a cubical reservation. There he was to grow corn, perfect his whine-making ability, and pacifically chew cud while saying deep things, occasionally getting a star turn on television - like producing a tear at the sight of litter thrown next to his cube wall.
Cube Warrior and his band all went willingly, walking the trail of tears down to the burren lands no one wanted. Huge trash bins and old equipment lined the hallway leading to the cubicals and lent a feeling of unease, like that of an overfull closet that won't quite shut right.
Once ensconced in the new cubes and in their old chairs they felt as if underwater, limbs heavy, the simplest tasks requiring a great overturning of inertia. Odd that in so small a space it would feel a great distance to retrieve a farming tool from a desk drawer! But then they were feeling self-conscious, every movement seemed unnaturally loud and having the dynamic of a bathroom stall.
When last we left Cube Hero, he was attempting to find a way to cover the epidermis that was cruelly ripped when the PTB (Powers That Be) "transitioned information workers from office to cubical spaces" in order to "potentiate greater facility at facultative consult".
Cube, or Hero as he didn't mind being called, used to enjoy serial cereal breakfasts in sublime privacy while sipping cheap coffee poured into a Starbucks cup. ("They do cups right," he explained.)
Evolutionary theory, according to Cube, made man the protector of family and explained why men like to take seats in restaurants facing out, with their backs to a wall. Natural selection gave an advantage to those who could see their enemy before their enemy saw them and so the holdover continues "with all the importance of the appendage or male nipples," Cube liked to assert.
Since he didn't like having his back gapingly exposed to the elements, he fashioned with the help of duct tape a patchwork of bulletin boards that ostensibly held vital clippings and reminders - all the viral deterius of office life - even though the true function was such that he could enjoy Coca Puffs while performing "numerical alchemy", the spinning of chaotic numbers into balance sheet gold.